Tuesday, July 18, 2006

i can't believe i kept things to myself while you went on a rampage..

others ask why we're not talking.. i just tell them that you haven't exactly been that good a friend to me.. that you did things friends never do to each other.. that i wouldn't be the one to initiate peace talks.. that, in that rare occasion, i'm not going to swallow my pride just to ease the tension between us.. hell, i'm the one aggravated here, i shouldn't be the one to do something..

they, they don't even have to bother ask you.. you go on a dissing spree, broadcasting nasty things about me and making very grave accusations.. you formed alliances with people who didn't like me that much, and united to form a propaganda against me.. you defamed my name on everythin you get your grimy little hands on.. your friendster profile, your shoutout.. hell, even the logbook wasn't spared! you brought the argument to a whole new level..

yan ang specialty mo, e.. ang paninira ng tao.. you did it to me once before.. why should this case be any different?

i'm dissapointed at you.. i'm god-damned pissed at you.. i'm fuckin' furious at you!

you want the juice? i'll give you the juice!

pagkatapos mong magsumbong kay Raine, she texted me all these messages that shook me to the core.. what the hell did he tell her to get her this infuriated? i couldn't believe you managed to convince her that i didn't want to turn over the laptop to you.. it broke me down to tears.. it left me devastated..

but, didn't you ever wonder why she was keen on bringing us to speaking terms again? because i told her the truth, the things you refuse to believe.. and, guess what: she listened.. that's why she understood me, that's what sets you two apart..

eto pa: di ba dapat mag-e-LOA ako? tinanong ako ni Raine kung kelan daw ako magpapa-cancel ng enrolment.. ibibigay daw niya sa isang kakilala niya.. alam kong sa iyo niya ibibigay yun.. naintindihan ko.. ayos lang sa akin.. pero alam niyo kung ano ang tanging nakasakit sa akin?

natatandaan ko pa yung moment na yun, e.. nasa klase tayo.. tapos tinanong niya ulit ako kung kelan ko na daw ipapa-cancel.. sabi ko sa susunod na araw.. tapos dinugtungan ko: "pero itra-try kong ma-convince si mama na wag na akong mag-LOA.." tapos nakita ko yung reactions niyo, na dismayado kayo't naiinis.. hanggang ngayon, hinihiling ko na sana hindi ko nalang narinig yung sinabi ni Raine pagkalingon ko: "tang'ina naman o.."

hindi niyo lang alam kung gaano kasakit nun para sa akin.. hindi niyo lang alam kung gaano kasama ng pakiramdam ko sa mga ginagawa niyo sakin.. hindi niyo lang alam kung paano ako unti-unting pinapatay ng mga nangyayaring ito..

hindi lang ako pumapalag.. hindi lang ako gumaganti... hindi lang ako nagsasalita.. kasi alam kong hindi tama na gawin ko yun.. ayokong gawin sa iba ang ginawa mo sakin..

i just don't know if you guys realize how much effort i've put into this..

i just don't know if you'll ever realize that..

ako na nga itong dehado, ako pa itong ginagago. tanginang buhay naman ito, o.

and you thought you were the only one watching..