Tuesday, June 21, 2005

she's sending me signs.. ako naman si dedma..

i made it crystal clear to them the moment they asked me na i'll stay single throughout my academic career..

then why is she being too showy? ba 'yan!

besides, she's not my type.. she's too flirty for me..

unlike her..

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haaaay.. she's a keeper talaga.. 'tis very hard to find one ngayon..

sayang.. someone of her stature doesn't deserve a being like me..

buti na rin at hindi siya nagpapaligaw ngayon.. lalang.. harhar!

ha! as if naman mababalikan ko siya.. aalis din lang naman kami, e..

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he's sending me signals too.. mas dedma naman ako..

waaaaa.. sobrang awkward.. pati, bakit ako pa?

stop it!

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bakit ganito ang buhay dito?!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

halp!

just uploaded new entries..

whew.. it's been quite a while..

musta?

harhar..

^_^

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

it's weird.. here in Madrigal, i've been often asked if i have or ever had a girlfriend..

i always say that i chose to be single throughout my academic life, kasi i think a relationship will just get in the way of achieving my dreams.. heck, i can't even manage my time properly right now, eh paano pa kaya if i have a girlfriend?

and i always get that surprised look on their faces.. haha..

she's one of the most perfect women i have ever laid my eyes on..

she's intelligent, she does sports, she's very outgoing, she's pretty, she's gorgeous, she's stunning..

she's my dream girl, but i'm not telling.. she's better off not knowing..

besides, i don't deserve her..

saludo din ako kay sir de leon.. he can sense others' feelings well.. alam niya kung masayahin ka ngayon, o kung binabagabag ka, o kung buwisit na buwisit ka na.. kumbaga, kaya ka niyang sakyan.. parang ganon..

pano ba naman kasi, last week, during our PhysicsLab, nagulat ako, kasi he asked me if i was okay.. i said i was, pero sa totoo lang, hindi.. it's not related naman sa schoolwork, so he's better off not knowing..

sino ba naman kasi ang hindi maba-bad trip.. you focus very hard on the experiment para matapos agad kayo, pero yung mga kasama mo puro kabalastugan ang inaatupag..

oo, mababaw lang yung dahilan na iyon.. pero there's a reason deeper than that..

every now and then, they keep on making side jokes and snide remarks regarding my departure.. i've had enough of their pranks, but i'm not showing it.. yeah, i just go with the flow, chuckling with them, laugh per laugh.. i'm sure kasi na they'll say na lumipat lang ako ng dorm, bigla na akong nagbago, and they'd perhaps equate it to the environment of the dorm..

i know i'm getting too farfetched, pero i've had it na talaga..

pasalamat lang talaga sila't nasa loob lang talaga ang kulo ko.. kinikimkim, pero isang araw ay sasabog din..

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

as 01 June drew nearer, I was itching to get out of Magallanes.. I was getting tired of living there.. the jokes people make, the cold treatment towards me, and all other cruel stuff against my departure.. all those were too much for me to handle, so I just had to get out of there..

I was already imagining about the [almost] fresh start in Madrigal: the cozy environment, the warm people, the impressive amenities.. thinking of the new opportunities that lie ahead in Madrigal made the craving even worse for me..

pero nga lang, just when I was about to leave, saka ko lang siya nakilala.. I was getting strangely attracted to him.. no, ill-minded people, not an infatuation-type of attraction.. an attraction where I just want to be close friends with him.. sa maikling panahon na nakilala, nakausap, at nakakwentuhan ko siya, nalaman ko na marami pala kaming magkatulad na pinagdaanan.. yeah, I saw in him things that I thought only a best friend and I would share.. I still haven't had a best friend, I saw that potential in him, and yet we parted ways..

torn between the urge to leave and the desire to stay..

and to think I'm in Madrigal now..

sadness.. it kills me slowly..

i always wanted to recite in our rizal class, pero there's something in mam palmea that keeps me from doing so.. I don't find her intimidating naman, so I don't know what the heck is the problem with me..

yesterday, we had this discussion in rizal.. she asked us what was or would be our greatest downfall.. one thing shot straight out of my mind: my greatest downfall was the tarnishing of my reputation..

it was high school.. I was the subject of pranks and jokes both in the dorm and at school.. easily said, those were the most bitter moments of my life.. they made high school life for me hard as hell [yeah, thanks for ruining my life! bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan, mamatay sana sa lakas ng bagsak ng meteor/meteorite/meteoroid! (ngex corny!)]..

at first, I was too hesitant to recite.. I really wanted to, but I didn't.. I don't want to let the whole class know my past, most especially since I have both new and old dormmates in class.. no, they're better off not knowing..

and I don't want to be haunted by my past.. my perfectly cruel, abnormal past..

after getting impatient, mam palmea called on a student.. he said that his greatest downfall was that he lost the SK election by 3 votes.. I was like, "that was it? that's your greatest downfall? geez, it's a good thing I didn't recite.. mine's too serious.. theirs are shallow.."

after calling on another student, mam palmea, obviously impatient and dissatisfied, told the class that she expected something more meaningful.. perhaps an event that can be remedied by doing other things but buries deep down inside you.. something that will last for a very long time, even forever..

by then, my heart was beating very fast.. I knew she waited for an answer.. I knew I had the answer she was waiting for..

when she looked at the door, I shot my hand just above head level, and quickly retreated it, hoping that she didn't see it.. it was because I asked for a sign.. if she sees my hand, then that means I really have to recite..

she called my attention.. I knew I had to do it..

mam, for me, my greatest downfall was and would always be the tarnishing of my reputation, kasi po people would have a hard time trusting you, tapos people would think of you as this and that, even though you really aren't that kind of person..

I was shaking really hard, not just because I was nervous, not just because I'm afraid of what my classmates would think of me after the revelation, but because mahirap balikan at alalahanin muli ang pinakamasakit na panahon sa buhay mo..

after saying that, what came out of mam palmea's mouth surprised me..

for that, I'm giving you a 1.50..

I never expected anything but a mediocre grade for recitation, but instead I get a 1.50.. at least my bravery paid off..

sana lang, yung sinabi niyang 1.50, hindi yun pang-recitation.. pang-final grade na..

ungas! asa ka naman!

know what? I just realized something.. I just realized that I actually lived in Magallanes without seeing a single ghost [not that I know of, at least].. sure, I've had my encounters, but I only 'sensed' them and not actually 'seen' them.. besides, seeing is a bigger deal than just feeling..

right now, I've got this feeling that my new dormmates aren't actually telling me the truth.. they say there aren't any paranormal phenomena here in Madrigal, but I think otherwise.. sure, my third eye is open and my sixth sense isn't active, but I think I can actually 'see' ghosts in my peripheral vision.. at least, that's what my new roommate told me..

oh, heck.. ah basta, as long as I don't see them, I'm fine with it..

and you thought you were the only one watching..